This festival has permanently damaged my sanity and erased all the good memories I had of it. When I was a child, Holi always meant playing with friends and family. But as I grew up things seemed to change drastically.

I am sure many girls will agree with me that Holi is a not-so-nice festival. This is not to discourage you from playing Holi but to steer clear of some morons. Here is a list of people I am definitely not playing Holi with along with my fundas to deal with them.

#1. You see me walking down the same road everyday. We might have smiled at each other someday. But please bhaiya for you, holi nahi hai.

#2. You are half my height and very excited about your new pichkari. You are a kid so no one’s going to say anything. Sure I will not say anything, I will just squeeze your ear so hard you will forget that you had an ear in the first place.

#3. You were an acrobat in your past life and therefore, suffer from an acrobatic hangover. You will twist and turn your body till you get to hit me inside the auto or cycle rickshaw. Well let me tell you one thing, now that you have ruined more than my clothes and mood, I will happily go ahead and spoil your day,week or even month.

#4. You feel I don’t understand Hindi, so I am a wall where you can throw anything and keep smirking. Wait till you hear the profanities I can scream in Hindi.

#5. You have locked up your kid inside your house and feel your duty is over. Just one word, if that monster of yours dares to throw a balloon at me from the balcony, I won’t feel too bad to lock it behind the bars.

#6. You have grown up but haven’t really grown up. You hide in your balcony and throw balloons at passerbys. I see who you are creep! And I might just start playing Holi with you with my favourite pepperspray.

#7. You want to dry up the entire Brahmaputura in the course of a week, go ahead. But I refuse to take bath just to satisfy your whims each time I get dressed to go somewhere. Why don’t you take a bath yourself? You seem to need it anyways dirty mind!

#8. You pretend you are high and you have the license to grope anyone who comes your way. Then please continue to be high, for I think I know where I am going to hit you hard.


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