I know the title itself sounds very funny. Diseases are something we curse, we abhor, we pity, we fear…they come stubbornly, sometimes with tell tale signs, sometimes without any warning. We don’t have any choice in them. But suppose we did?
What would you choose? As a child, I for some reason found certain ailments really fascinating.
Super Sinus / Sinusitis: Sinus was always this attractive nerdy disease to me. I related it to people who read too much. My eldest sister who was in a boarding school at that point of time was the epitome of a sinus veteran. I remember how mom used to tell all and sundry about her sinus problems, whether it was the drawing room or the market place, almost as if it was something to boast about. I always thought if ever I wanted a chronic disease I wanted Sinus. :D now that I have also inherited the legacy of sinus, I don’t know if I am really enjoying it. Still it gives me a regular workable excuse for absence.
Admirable Asthma: Another cool disease in my childhood imagination. I remember one of my cousins who dropped out of school because of acute asthma. The idea was quite appealing to me; I thought if I had asthma I too could avoid school forever. I heard of attacks where people made him sniff leather sandals. Lots of fussing over, pampering sounded quite nice. I have changed my opinions.
Magical Myopia: This is one disease I heartily prayed to acquire. Both my sisters took specs while still at school. My mom explained it as “Academic pressure”. No wonder I wanted specs too, half of it was probably to hear my mom say “academic pressure”. I took specs in 9th standard. I somehow couldn’t believe it had finally happened and my best friend who was by then fed up of my asking what was written on the black board complained to my mom. I was the happiest girl when I went to the optical store with my father. But all the compliments that I got for the prized specs was a frowning “Too much TV, Too much lying down and reading novels” courtesy mom.
There is actually a part II to the myopia story - the lens story. After conquering the specs I was obsessed with the lens. My sister had already graduated to lenses. But I was still not worthy of it. I kept persisting for it to no avail. My sis lost her lenses and was awarded with yet another pair. Hell broke loose because of this injustice. I cried, I wailed and created a great ruckus and achieved one of my few (and I hope final) adulthood thrashings. Within a couple of months, however, I was the proud owner of a pair of lenses. Sadly now, I find lenses more of a botheration unless I am in a mood to dress up.
Exotic Eye Flu: Ever heard of something so strange. Bird flu maybe yes. Let me tell you it’s the most attractive eye disease I have discovered recently. It’s nothing like its gross cousin conjunctivities. To begin with eye flu is not visible; there is only a slight redness in the eye. You keep putting eye drops like rose water. The doctor tells you to avoid the PC. While this may not be enough to take a leave, you can at least flaunt it in front of your boss.
Fantastic Fainting: I don’t know what else to call it, but fainting seems to be the most romantic of all diseases. Especially if there is a Mills and Boons hero around ;). It can save you from any situation. Besides if you like being seen as a delicate darling it is the ideal solution. And even if that’s not what you want you can also faint in a fit of anger.
There are many more attractive diseases. I can hardly write about all of them like low pressure, fever (that’s the only time mom fed me rotis), anemia etc etc… you see little illnesses are not such bad things. So, next time you are ill use your imagination.